Woman's Family Pressures Her to Fund Her Sister's Lavish Lifestyle Despite Not Contributing Themselves: 'Family helps family'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Oct 3, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Welcome, women of the web. Working hard and becoming financially stable, or even successful and abundant, is an incredible feeling. To not have to worry about rent, to not have to budget intensely to the point that you're counting every cent, or to be able to buy generous gifts for your friends and family on their birthdays or over the holidays is an immense blessing. An unfortunate side effect of being the one in your family that 'made it', though, is that you are suddenly expected to fund everyone's issues. From paying for other's education to helping with rent and debts, it can feel pretty good to help out someone you love when they are in a desperate pinch. However, it can become overwhelming when you seem to become the family bank, and when it comes to close and personal relationships, some entitled people in your inner circle might feel like they don't need to pay you back. 
In our story today, a successful woman is expected by her family to help her sister out - not with with rent or emergency medical costs -  but with her lavish lifestyle filled with expensive clothes, luxury trips, and fine jewelry. Scroll down to read how our protagonist set boundaries with her hypocritical family.

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/Intrepid Fold_2325.11h AITA for refusing to give my sister more money for her lavish lifestyle despite family pressure?
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  • 02
    Hey everyone, I (34F) need some perspective because my family is making me feel like the world's worst person right now. - So, for context, I've spent the last 10+ years building my own online business from scratch. It wasn't easy – there were years of no sleep, constant stress, and scraping by while I poured everything into this. Fast forward to now, and I'm doing well financially. Like, really well. But I worked HARD for this. Nothing came easy, and I gave up a lot to get to where I am now.
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  • 03
    Then there's my younger sister, "Amy" (29F). Amy has... well, a bit of a spending problem. She's always loved the finer things in life - designer bags, fancy vacations, expensive dinners. But unlike me, she doesn't really work for it. She just kinda floats between jobs or relies on credit cards to fund her lifestyle.
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  • 04
    Over the past few years, Amy's come to me for money multiple times. At first, it was small stuff - like needing help with rent or her credit card bills. And, being her sister, I helped. I felt bad for her and thought maybe she'd get things under control. But... she didn't. If anything, her spending habits just got worse. Every time I'd give her money, she'd go out and buy some luxury item or take a random trip to somewhere extravagant.
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  • 05
    A few weeks ago, she asked me for help again. This time, she wanted a lot of money to cover her debt. I'm talking thousands. And I just... couldn't. I told her no, that I wasn't going to keep bailing her out unless she seriously changed her spending habits. I even suggested she start budgeting and maybe cut back on all the unnecessary stuff.
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  • 06
    Well, she didn't take that well. Amy accused me of being selfish and greedy. She said that because I'm doing well financially, it's "cruel" not to help her out when she's struggling. She even threw in that it's "easy for me" because I don't have the same pressures as she does (???).
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  • 07
    But here's the kicker - my family's on her side. My parents, who are aware of Amy's spending, are still saying I should help her because "family helps family." They've been calling me cold and heartless for not giving her what she needs, saying that I'm just letting her drown while I'm sitting comfortably. And my cousins are backing them up, saying it's not a big deal for me since I'm financially well-off now.
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  • 08
    But like... I worked my off to get here. I didn't just wake up one day with money. I sacrificed my social life, didn't travel for years, lived in a crappy apartment – all so I could build something for - myself. And I feel like they're completely ignoring that part. They just see me as someone with money now, so they think it's my obligation to help her out.
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  • 09
    Honestly, I'm torn. I don't want to be the sister who lets her family down, but I also feel like enabling Amy is doing her no favors. She's never going to learn to manage her finances if I keep rescuing her. Plus, I kinda feel like it's unfair for them to expect me to hand over my hard-earned money because she can't control her spending. So... AITA for saying no? Should I just it up and help her out again, or am I right to put my foot down this time? 5,500 ✓ D 2,905 8 D
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  • 10
    NTA phyrsis 10h "Family helps family" is always a massive red flag. She's just going to blow the money, because that's what she's always done before, and she has no reason not to do it again. It's not like she's promising she's going to change or anything. She just wants your money to enable her to live her chosen lifestyle. Reply 2.9k
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  • 11
    aessae. 9h If family helps family why isn't the rest of the family helping? ... 52.2k
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  • 12
    Tight-Shift5706 • 7h Exactlythe above, OP. OP, I need to know what culture we're talking about that justifies this abhorrent ?? Your parents created this self-absorbed, entitled monster. Where are they in cleaning up the show that they helped create?
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  • 13
    I'm sorry, regardless of culture, there's an underlying doctrine of love and fairness. Your sister bears none of that. And your AH parents endorse her despicable traits. With family like this, who needs enemies? Move on. You're free to select friends who truly treat you like family. Your family is like lint. They simply want to attach themselves to you so that they can use you. Brush off the lint and move on. 2588
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  • 14
    Electronic_Wait_7500 • 8h If you are financially secure, the best thing you can ever tell your family is that you are up to your neck in debt. Make sure they're all under the impression that you have nothing extra. 2233
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  • 15
    Entire-Flower1259 • 6h Yeah. This might work. Tell your family your business hit a few reversals and you need a bailout. Watch how fast they disappear. ... 118
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  • 16
    Electronic_Wait_7500 • 6h Exactly! And really play it up. Tell them youbwere too embarrassed to tell them about it. But you are so happy to hear them say family helps family, because you'll be needing their assistance with your bills. 138
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  • 17
    NTA TarzanKitty 10h The people who think you are an AH are free to give your sister their money. Reply 11.8k ♡
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  • 18
    NTA ko-xan 10h If you budge, she would continue leeching, each time for more and more. ← Reply 351 ☑
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  • 19
    NoFlatworm3028 • 10h My wife and I have this issue. I say "no" to bankrolling my daughter who makes 35 to 40k a year while going to college (that we pay for tuition about half the time...long story, but its due to her behavior, mostly legal like theft and such) and we just helped her move into a nicer apartment that is hundreds of dollars LESS than she had previously.
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  • 20
    My wife keeps paying for her stuff. Every text we get from my daughter, and I mean 90% of the four or five a month for the past two years, start with "I I don't have any money. I need XYZ" which is always luxury items and / or services, or for us to "meet for dinner," which means we pay. She is getting a little better now that she is in her early 20s, but my wife keeps enabling her bad spending habits. Efforts to reason with either of them just result in silence. Our other kid? None of this B.S.
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  • 21
    PrinceVar 11h Do not help. NTA Edit: Holy cow I hardly even said a proper sentence and I get 500 upvotes in an hour ← Reply 3.5k
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  • 22
    Fabulous_Ask_4069 • 10h NTA. Your family is enabling your sisters out-of- control spending habits. She's never going to grasp the concept that 'money doesn't grow on trees' until she's cut off. If anyone is responsible for her financial problems beside herself, clearly it's your parents. So if they want to defend her behavior, then they should be the one funding her habits, not you. Reply 155
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  • 23
    Rare Sugar_7927 • 10h If she has designer bags and other items, she can sell those to pay her debts. And, you know, get a job. NTA but all those pressuring you absolutely are. Sister is too, but she's being enabled so time for everyone to stop coddling the golden child. And congratulations and well done on all your hard work to get where you are! Reply 53
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  • 24
    Salt-Effect1906 • 10h You give in now, she will keep on leeching on you. You help people in genuine need. Do not fund her. Reply Ŵ 46 ↓
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family drama luxury toxic sibling rivalry Female Empowerment sisters siblings reddit story relationships love entitled sister reddit thread Reddit money entitled people
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